I think it just hit me that my mom's really sick. I know I have to but staying positive is probably the hardest thing to do right now (I was never positive to start with). 

Analogy

Your stomach whines silently, pleading you to end your gluttony but you don't stop. You continue shoving more carbohydrates down your throat and you tell yourself that it'll only make you feel better. But you know you're wrong. Your stomach curses you for sinning. And it isn't too long before you regret. 

While you're hunched over a basin, feeling sick in your head- o to hell with that, you feel sick all over. That's when your brain starts working again and it sends furious nerve impulses to your limbs, like petty, useless phone calls to complain about the a mistake in a bill calculation. But unlike that bill you can't undo the number you've input. It's scribbled down all over the walls of your mind in dark permanent ink. Regret would be an understatement. How did you stoop so low. 

You can bask in the temporary joy that it sheds and it's fine. It's frivolous but it's damn fine. Why? Because you need it. You crave it and you feed (in this context, literally) on this need of the other. It's the irresistible shot of vodka you cannot not take, it's the nicotine in a cigarette and soon, it becomes cocaine in your blood. It doesn't mean a thing. You merely choose to believe that it does just to get yourself through another 24 hours. You do it to make yourself believe that everything is worthwhile. 

And you'd totally do it again. 

Save the tigers and sign up for our run

♫

Things that feel good:

Music. The right kind of music that propels you to move, to feel, to engage. And right now Bastille is really fulfilling that purpose. Thank you, Bastille. Shh don't tell anyone I just said this. Ayana would blame me for spoiling more of her "things" ("Bastille used to be an Ayana things *pout*." Kk qtp.)

Warm mug of milo + oats after a long, unsurprisingly draining day of school. 

Things that are not normal:

That jolt of shallow excitement, deliberate arrangements. The temporary nuzzling of light-headed emptiness, like a drug and the strings that a drug would pull.

Who's the sweetest

He said he doesn't want people to know but I don't think anyone reads my blog anyway. 

Sharp

“A good laugh and a long sleep are the two best cures for anything.”

I am going to sleep at 8.30 tonight. Or 9. Probably 9. Ok fine, 9. I promise. Hehe.

And the last time I had a good laugh would be the day Ayana brought chocolates to school. The day with cocoa. And hilarious company in the canteen. I was laughing so hard that my stomach ached for the longest time and it hurt so badly I was choking on laughter haha. Then I received a text from Jovin (sitting at the other end of the canteen), informing me that I looked like the laughing emojit. I didn't have a mirror but I I couldn't disagree. 

I baked really ugly muffins. 

Shit (II)

HOPEFULLY SCHOOL NEXT WEEK WILL BE THE BREEZE IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE. (assuming that intensity levels are proportionate to the no. of days)

But that's not my point here. 

I'm not slacking, I promise. I was doing math, just about to start on the MOD tutorial (which I have no clue about). But I scrolled pass my cousin's whatsapp on my contacts and got a glimpse of her whatsapp status. It puzzled me a bit so I stopped and scrolled back. Read through it twice and thought "why on Earth would my tiny cousin use these lyrics as her whatsapp status.". 

Then I realised that my "tiny" cousin wasn't that tiny anymore. She's 14. How did she turn 14. I still remember how I placed my head against her mother's inflated belly (womb, to be exact) to hear my cousin's heartbeat. I still remember trying to teach this little 5 year old how to spell "children". I still remember her fatally annoying attachment to this one teddy bear she name "brownie". I still remember asking my mother if the girl would know what "divorce" meant. And now she's 14. Belting out lyrics to odd songs.

I don't remember being 14 because it just hit me- 14 was a long time ago. A very long time ago. 

opaque

Shit (I)

(as far as my swears get)

Some context; I'm in 2nd home, 1st table from the back, left chair. Tired of trying to comprehend the squiggly lines printed on the ionic equilibria notes, looking through my Instagram photos.

So much time has passed since one year ago. It's five hundred, twenty-five thousand, six hundred minutes condensed into 5 seconds of my memory. Everything from pre-August 2012 feels like a different life. It's such a distant and grainy memory that doesn't feel like my own. Post-August feels more recent. Post-August 2012 is a reminder of how fast time flies because between August 2012 and August 2013, so many changes took place. In my life, at least. Not yours. Or maybe yours too but this is about me (sounding selfish here lol). 

This photo speaks so much. Not because of the quote haha that helps give it a voice but if the photo were mute it'd still be able to leave us a message. This photo is personal. It's the shortest summary of what goes through my head everyday, it's the chromosome to the nucleotides. But this photo is personal. And this photo is beautiful too haha but that's just a bonus.

Food

Ok the thing about food is. 

1. Food brings people together. You don't just eat with people you don't care about. You eat with people you want to spend more time with, with people you'd like to socialize with. 

2. You don't just cook for anyone. You don't just buy anyone food. When you cook for someone/but food whatever, you want to make sure that that person eats idk it's a v thoughtful action. An unconscious one. You don't do certain things for people you don't care about and feeding them (whether they are capable of feeding themselves or not) is one of them. Because to put it in the simplest manner imaginable, food is about survival. So when you give someone food it's technically saying "here man, live." Or if they are already living well enough it's a "here man, I'm damn glad you're living pls keep living." 

3. Food is personal. People have favourite foods and food they dislike. They define people they divide the large term "people" into individuals they bring out differences. And when these differences are remembered ("o I remember you love chocolate"/"i know you don't eat fried food" it's just. Wow thanks for remembering. And when you remember, you get personal with the other individual it's like some blatant but hidden connection wah deep shit.

1 second of thought allowed me to conclude this:

We have a fixed amount of time everyday. 24 hours for us to ration and prioritize and to use. We are never going to get more time, "I need more time" is not going to change anything. The minutes are inflexible, they will never be in your favour. "Whenever we get more time" will equate to never because we can never get more time. It's impossible. We can only use time. 

I just killed about 2 minutes typing this out. 

Reason why the library is not very conducive

1. There are a lot of idiots in the world

1.1. (I am an occasional idiot too, no denial there) 

Envy

Or jealously. Envy's just a nicer way to put it.

Scrolled past a picture of some really glooking food on Instagram and felt like that because 

1. That's pretty damn good food

2. That I can't have

2. That I can't even eat (because of the ulcer.)

3. That no one's gonna make for me

Shallow thoughts but it's ok! Mondays are negative days. I think my timetable wants me to know that Tuesdays are bad days too. Brace yourself. 

OUCH/nostalgia and stuff

I am in pain because of the massive massive ulcer I have in my mouth. It's insanely painful and it stops me from talking or eating because everything hurts :_(

Hm well what's up. 

I had this sudden impulsive thought, that after my hair grows back to a decent length, and once A levels are over (if I even make it through. Or not.) I'd die my hair blue. Dark blue HAHAHA I dk why I thought of this but I'm just sharing.

Honestly not a good time to blog, I'll blog later after I finish my EOM. 

Hi. 9 hours later and I can easily say that I've just had a day of negative productivity. The ulcer is killing me, it doesn't even allow me to think because the pain is really distracting. I just burned 3 hours trying to write 1 econs essay and I've only passed the introduction. My EOM's still undone and with 3 tests coming up in the next five days, I'm going to need a miracle in order to survive :_( 

Haha so I started up my mac because I wanted to complete my EOM and email Mr Loke (by "2359" challenge accepted) but while rummaging through my first drawer I found this old thumb drive. I think it was my first thumb drive. Decided to check how much space there was on it and I feel like I found a stash of............. can't say gold........... but it's not really crap either. I found photos I took 6 years ago using my first camera (which I thought made me look like a pro). SIX YEARS AGO. THAT'S PRIMARY 5. AND YES, I HAVE PHOTOS OF SCHOOL EXCURSIONS. Like the time we went to watch the NDP rehearsal. First year it was on the floating platform. Felt like such an exclusive event. I'm so appreciative of P5 Chow for taking all these photos hahaha. And I must admit, I occasionally took pretty nice photos (50 bad photos for every 1 decent shot). I think P5 Chow was just discovering her love for photography, I have photos of individual portraits of my ex-classmates. And I don't think I really talk to any of them now (except for Miss Yew of course. OF COURSE c'mon who r we kiddin???????). If I were to upload them (don't worry I don't think I will because I doubt that would be appreciated by anyone HAHA) everyone would be able to have a #whatpubertydidtome. Some people look exactly the same though haha. Anyway, so there's all that nostalgia and crap now. Nostalgia. Bittersweet longing not really for what I had then but for part of what I felt then. Because ignorance is bliss right? 11 year olds were still innocent back then (not u, rnjh).

NDP 07

Cure to a throbbing headache

Best feelings in the world:

1) To sing when no one's listening 

2) To sing when everyone's listening 

Faucet

Sitting at the same spot at Tuesday night last term. Listening to silence. Or more accurately, the hum of the refrigerator. Listening to the occasional tune belted out from the bell of Ryan's trumpet (a distance away). Watching the still night lights indoors and outdoors. Feeling the jolt of pain from the swelling around my ankle. Listening to the shy crickets hidden in the darkness. Realising that I'm pretty much hiding in a blind spot too. Touching the filth on the round table. Watching the blades of the fan move with the night breeze. Listening to the chatter of students shuffling towards the front gate. Feeling the chilly breeze against my own skin. Skin. I'd scratch off my skin if I could, to ease the itch. I think I'm going to go home and spam fabreeze on my bed sheets looool. Either that or I'm not sleeping in the room tonight. Lost

Concentrating on everything but the GP essays in front of me. Save me from this lol. Tak boleh tahan. 

Spoilers

Sharing my weird experiences.

Woke up around 3.30 this morning because the humidity was killing me and my legs were itching SO BADLY. The itching woke me up because I swear I could've torn off my own skin. I don't really know why but my legs were really itchy I can't even emphasis this enough lololol because it was really terrible :_( I woke up at 3.30, silently wishing that my alarm would go off so that I could get up and solve this itchy issue but I couldn't bear waiting for the alarm so I hopped off my bed and checked my phone- and wow it was only 3.44. I went to the bathroom and covered my itch spots with calamine lotion and that did wonders :_) but my sleep was interrupted anyway. 

Woke up again at 6am. Tried washing off the calamine lotion but idk why it's almost impossible to wash off. So I have random white patches on my legs. Don't worry, it's not unwashed body soap or anything like that it's just calamine lotion hahaha. 

Witnessed this amazing sunrise that I wanted to take a photo of but it's really difficult to take a good photo on a moving vehicle so I thought that I'd just take my photo when I reached school.

6.57 in school and I walk over go the atrium to frame my photo but this girl comes into my frame, I wait. Hey what, she's not moving away. She's just standing there. O damn. She's taking a photo too?!?! I decided that it would be too awkward to stand beside her to snap another photo (we were both wearing green too. And we were both in shorts) so I bid my sunrise farewell and walked towards the canteen.

Wanted to buy a sandwich from Deli Inn so that I'd have breakfast but there weren't sandwiches there yet... So no breakfast... Yet. 

Ancient

Yes, I feel ancient. Weird, because (clearly) I am not. But I am this (define "this" as a very fine line) close to ripping off my hair because this Macbook that I'm using is so old it's literally vintage. Idk if you've seen me lugging it around school or around Singapore (ha. ha. ha.) but it's quite heavy. Anyway, the problem presented to me right now at this very instance is that I can't sync my iPhone to my computer. Because the version of itunes that I have is equally old and there's a minimum requirement of itunes 10.7 for my phone to sync properly. But I can't download the latest itunes OR itunes 10.7 because the this mac's retired version of idk what (some numbers, 10.5.3 or something) doesn't support the new itunes.
I'm actually just rambling on about apple and itunes and iPhones now but I don't actually know much about this. Hence, I can't solve my own problem. I guess I could upgrade the OS but I think that would be costly. And not worth the effort since this is a very old mac.
Since I'm talking about this mac I will just tell you how we got it in the first place.
If I'm not wrong this mac was given to us by Singtel in 2009. And my mother was it's first user/owner/friend. I think my sister owned it about a year or 2 later. When her scholarship granted her computer money she quickly ditched this old machine and that's when I took over hehe. So I guess I've had it for almost a year now? But I only started using it more frequently this year. So I'm honestly not very used to mac yet haha but intensive PW forced me to bond with this machine and I like it very much despite it's (few) disabilities.
Ok I shouldn't blog now because I've a lot of work to do :_(

Helloooooooooooooooo

The weekends are always great simply because there isn't school ha ha ha.

But of course when I'm not spending my entire day studying, I'm having much more meaningful days. Like today. 

Spent my day with Sofeah. Nothing can go wrong when we're out wrecking our own havoc. 

So so so refreshing. Spending time with Sam. 

11.09

I did quite badly for my mid years. And this week has been really long but really nice too. The weather has been so kind. And the workload hasn't been overwhelming yet. All the long evenings and nights in school feel peaceful and serene. But I still did quite badly for my mid years.

Food is so important and so meaningful. You can never just say that you eat for the sake of ticking the checkbox beside "lunch" or "dinner". You can never.

Cat cuddles

How was your Saturdays 

Morning thoughts

Who on my contact list would whatsapp me at 8.48am in the morning (I've switched off my whatsapp notifications 2 weeks ago so all I see is the little red bubble with the number of messages I've received). 

Opens whatsapp.

O it's just Mr Loke on the class chat.

Woke up at 7.45am (without an alarm) after close to 7 hours of sleep. Really decent, actually, 7 hours. 

I just had my breakfast; 2 sliced of expired softmeal bread with 2 thick layers of thick chunky peanut butter, both burnt in the toaster. 

I forgot about this last night, I am sher locked, courtesy of aksj. I honestly don't really know what that means. But I like taking photos ha ha ha. 

Revolt

Youth (I) are (am) full of energy. Today I felt like I was running on the promise of energizer batteries when in actual fact, I depended on my 5.25 hours of rest the night before. It could be the after-effects of a week full of sugar (broke my 6 month streak of macs fast this afternoon at NEX). Another perk of being young, stuff your face, have no fear (aya proudly informed me about her triumph over an entire bag of fruit plus). 

I learn much from what I observe around me (possibly more than what I learn in lectures). More often than not, I learn how not to act because such distasteful behavior observed could easily result in the expulsion of bolus from the gut. Which, when about to happen, would cue my immediate retreat. 

I think it's all a part of growing up. I've asked my mother about this, she agreed with me. But maybe I'm not really growing up. 

In the beginning of the year I used to tell myself that I'd be absolutely insane to walk from the front gate to Cardiff hill at night. For 2 reasons 1. My fear of the dark and 2. My fear of the unknown. But here I am, lugging my bag down the steps, clutching onto my laptop, a book, my wallet and my phone, hardly even dragging my feet towards the bus stop. Turns out the only thing I needed was a cooperative mind. Which remained well with me 97% of the 10 minutes.

Jumped across the step (strength of youth.)

One thing I've learned is that youth (insist that they) are so deprived of attention that all they long for is the gaze of another, or of an entire crowd. No, he shall not walk alone, no she shall not sit alone. 

They say we shouldn't judge a book by it's cover but the covers of these novels are screaming out too loudly they are impossibly unnoticeable. 

I don't know what propels me to move away. I generally avoid getting tangled in uncomfortable situations simply because I don't want to be. The faint scent of such a situation would repel me almost instantly, like when you place the north and south poles of two magnets beside each other. And I don't know if I'd prefer to stay and conform but I'm glad I could say that I wouldn't. 

32 minutes. Not bad. 

Good VS Bad

1) Audrey is honestly one of the nicest people I know and I'm so glad that I've met her.

2) 2km tired me out

3) Qinyi lent me a book to read. And I've been wanting to read this book for quite awhile. (Won't share the title because it's so mainstream it's embarrassing)

4) Ayana missed her first GP lesson which wasn't conducted by our actual GP tutor.

5) Mr Loke found my NRIC and have it back to me. All hail Mr Loke.

6) PW thought me how fast (and how slowly) 3 hours could speed/drag by. WR is not making good progress and my irritation only grows.

7) First time using a Mura that I can call my own (for the next 1 year). It's a brilliant feeling. 

8) Changes always suck. I miss my seniors. Already. Very badly. Pre-prac and prac and post. And the changes make me feel so unsettled.

9) I never realised how far the walk from school to Cardiff court was until tonight. 

10) Chinese A Level Oral examination tomorrow. Who's not ready? Aye. 

11) Sleeping soon

12) Denise is flying off any minute now. If you've missed her this June then start making better decisions. 

9 ought to be an even number too. Or it could be an odd number. Maybe a 9.5. 

Pause: to linger; to suspend

Qin's over now. I'm working on PW while she reads Haruki Murakami and we're listening to my favourite playlist on 8tracks. I have no idea why I'm blogging now today wasn't a good day at all. I can't find my NRIC, guys.... The last time I saw it was during the Chinese paper last Friday. I would think that I placed it in my giraffe pencil case immediately after the paper but when I opened up my pencil case today it wasn't there. And I didn't tough the giraffe for the entire weekend. I was so troubled that I came home during the 2 hour free period to hurl my belongings off my table in attempt to dig the card out from thin air. Man. This feeling sucks. And all I ate today was chocolate and more chocolate I feel like my intestines are just coated now like a chocolate pretzel. I think I might go to school early tomorrow just to run off this feeling lol. Depends. Look at my shoes, if I'm wearing my running shoes that probably meant that I ran. AND showered cos.. Well me being me I'd definitely shower after that hahaha. So don't worry I'll smell like a field of flowers anyway. 

What else. Intensive PW is NOT fun. At all. Not kidding 😒

Elimination

Spent my entire day at home. We didn't go out. I woke up pretty late. 8.15. Considering that I slept at 1 last night, 8.15's ok..... Also, I woke up in the middle of a dream last night and sat right up. Before bending forward to sleep cross-legged instead lmao. Don't ask. I don't even know. All I know was that I ruined that dream. I went back to sleep normally after what felt like quite awhile and dreamt of something entirely different. I started drawing at 8.50. And I stopped drawing at 6? I think. Around there. Wah so rusty. Nevermind, today was a warm up lol. I wish I was as good as my mother. But she went to Laselle so.. 

Hm what else. O yeah. I've decided to give myself some slaps to wake myself up. Cos it's about time lol. Another term another semester another try. 

Progression from this at 5 to the Instagram one at 6. 

Company

How RT and I bond

/rant rant rant blah blah/

Eh. Lets go eat.

HAHAHAHA YOU FAT PIG HAHAHA YOU-

HAHAHAHAHA WHAT LAH HAHAHA

HAHAHA

HA

Haha 

Ok let's go. 

Just got home from an extremely long day. Thought it was Saturday night already actually looool. Ok I'll give an extremely brief and sloppy summary of my day.

Reached school, sat in the canteen.

Took Chinese paper.

Sat opposite GNC.

Took Chinese paper.

Sat in the canteen. Sat in the band room. Slept in the band room. 

Went to GNC. Set at the random benches near the art room.

Went to Paya lebar.

Went to NEX.

Went to school.

Went to condo opposite school.

Attended class BBQ.

Went to central macs.

Went to the bus stop.

Came home.

Had a good time for most of the day. Most of the middle and end of the day. Will elaborate some other day I guess. 

And these are some potentially Instagram-worthy photographs. 

1st: My cold dinner yesterday that I was too lazy to heat up.

2nd: Just took this one. An NSmen going home at 11.40. Band photo quality. 

My sleepy phone

9.38

mildly retarded. spent a minute on twitter after 4 days and got reminded of why i deleted twitter in the first place -_- if it weren't for all those idiots demanded "follow-backs" my timeline would still be clean and free from shit i don't care about. Maybe I should make another twitter account just for following important people or people I care about to start with looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool

3.18 

Unproductivity levels reached an all time high this morning/afternoon. Resorted to having a foodventure and I feel like I just ate the universe. Need to stop stuffing myself or I'm gonna be as soft as a stuffed animal. But I had some of my favourite food ☺ 

4.37

Uh o. I think I'm either burned out or saturated I can't study anymore I'm just staring through my notes. O no how?! I'm not done yet!!!

1

W day. (I think only WCK would be able to decipher what the W stands for, it's merely labelled as W for the same reason we have a "secret place" but it has no relation to that place.) because W kept happening throughout the day, not even kidding.

Anyway, just left Sengkang! 20 minutes earlier than usual because we were all so tired already! Study is really draining but studying with a whole bunch of friends that you made while studying (lol) is comforting. Cos when 1 of us is sian we can just turn right of left lol. So nice to have these people, really :_) I'm on 43 heading home for my 10pm dinner. I'm not even hungry. I just feel like eating. I already had dinner earlier on. I'm just having a second dinner. 

I'm skipping details about MYEs so I think I shall elaborate. 

Same mistake as O's, I started too late. Not because I didn't know I should've started earlier but because I just didn't. So when I don't perform as well as I should/could for this exam it's completely my fault. But all my seniors keep telling me that the MYEs were designed to kill our morals and drag our grades down, which is why it's weightage is 15%. Even Mr Loke hinted that we aren't gonna have an easy time with the papers. Sigh. So I have the lowest expectations :_( sucks to know that I'm gonna do badly though. 

Anyway, I have a day more to study since I don't have any H1 subjects. Which may change in due time because I'm pretty sure I want to drop a subject to H1. Probably econs since I can't drop bio or chem or math. 

And for post 1, here's 36/361 of the photos I took during June. It's a photo of lost every day. I was quite discipline about taking at least one photo a day for this purpose lol. If there are selfies it's because I actually wanted to take a photo of my face everyday to see if there were any changes in a month (or to record feelings on a specific day)- really for my own reference lol but who cares man it's in this collage anyway. O I just checked, there's only one selfie in this collage and it's my twitter profile picture so HA no selfies for your eyes, noobs. Anyway, more elaboration, I tried compiling photos that I haven't uploaded on any other platform (like Instagram) so that the entire collage would be fresher. Aw, you're welcome. Ok kidding I did this for myself hahaha just sharing with you guys since I'm assuming that we are friends and you care to know what I've been up to. 

Mass captions (photos are shittly organized. 3 x 3 = 1 set) 

With reference to my memory:

Day 1- Saturday morning with manis. Sometimes I just lie on a the bed with manis lying on my tummy and let time pass. A few of the best feelings in the world. Went to Kenji's (reporting time was 10.30 and I was the only punctual one. Kenji and I had to wait at the bus stop for 30 mins before everyone else arrived. Not that we minded, I think I expected late coming HAHA) to tackle our GPP. My PW group thought that the sooner we end our PW commitments for June, the sooner we would start revision. I hope that was what happened for my PW mates because it didn't for me oooops. O yeah, first time in my life a kid toppled over me to give me a hug. I will not say if I liked that or not.

Day 2 - Dinner with my family at astons, I overate and stayed hunched over a toilet bowl for about 30 minutes while my family was browsing robinsons (I didn't tell them I felt like puking because I didn't want to get told off). 

Day 3 - Monday morning cycling with my bestfriend! Favourite person + favourite sport. We cycled beyond punggol promenade and sat around absorbing sunlight for close to an hour at our favourite lepak spot. Another good feeling.

Headed to school after that to meet up with Taufiq and Joaquin and sang a lot. I love singing. 

Day 4 - Tuesday afternoon spent with Denise yew again! We went to bugis and I walked all around with shoes a size too large (gift). My feet really hurt after that. Yew and I ran out of things to do at bugis after she bought a pea-sized cup of really expensive yami yogurt (not worth your money, learn from other people's mistakes pls) so we headed back to NEX where we sat down at sogurt. I had my first sogurt since sec 2 and it cost me $2.90! Which wasn't too bad at all. 

Damn, Tuesday night. Tuesday. I remember now. Met up with Ayana for supper and just to chat up because I've been seeing her for almost 3 months straight and a few days of ayabsence felt odd. HAHA. Brought her to my favourite Kopitiam because she happened to be around the area and I was so excited. It's like I have foreign visitors in my hometown or some shit like that. ANYWAY, we ate and she wasted food as usual LOL. While she was leaving she accidentally flipped my phone out of my hands omg this girl AYA/AIYA. 

Day 5 was a Wednesday that I didn't feel like existing so no photos sucka

Day 6 - Thursday already~ "studied" in school then went to a-stranger-who-is-no-longer-a-stranger's house. I blogged about this one already. (Guang & Jill in that photo btw, I was trying to get artsy photos while crossing the damn road wth chow)

Day 7 - impromtu study session with Elizabeth FLAI and WCK!!!! Good catch up and it was my first visit to Liz's in a looooonnnngggg time. Played around with ck's fisheye lens wah I like it. But it was 30 bucks so I no like it much now. Met up with wanlin after that to have dinner at paya lebar. She insisted on paya lebar because apparently there was very good ban mian. It was nice but I uncovered something nicer about paya lebar hehehe. 

Day 8 - planned study session at Elizabeth's. just me this time. 

Day 9 - went to seletar in the morning for a damn good morning swim. Last swim because last visit to seletar because last Sunday in airwave. After that I met WCK at Buangkok MRT and she was PUNCTUAL OooOmmGGGggg. Hehe we headed to harbourfront and then Keppel bay because we went on A BOAT *jaw drops 1000 feet* for Si an's birthday celebration!!!! Then Sunday night was messed up. 

Day 10 - Thank goodness for my Sunday-night company, I managed to wake up sane! Monday back at Kenji's because ECONS PROJECT. Which I later found out was due 3rd week of July or something like that. Which meant we were unnecessarily started way earlier.... I have no idea why man. But it was so unproductive HAHA we had to wait for each other to finish each other parts and it wasn't even completed because of all the waiting. During our fridge-raid we found a stash of sugar-gold. Feast for the eyes more than the tummy. 

Day 11 - Was a Tuesday I couldn't think. It was the day I finished a book, The 5 people you meet in heaven. Good book I guess. I quoted it a lot because omg so relevant. 

Day 12 - no memory no photo 

Day 13 - Qinyi came over to study!!!!!! Or "study", to be more exact. Good time with this girl, I hardly have time alone with her. After she left I left because I had dinner plans. Denise wanted to have dinner with our primary school classmates. We went to astons at city square mall. 

Day 14 - I would guess that I took that photo on Friday morning

Day 15 - Jurong bird park!!!! Blogged about it.

Day 16 - breakfast with yew before she flew off to Hong Kong that night. I remember feeling angry in the afternoon. Left home for my long journey down to IMM after that because my auntie wanted to have dinner with my siblings and I. I took 2 buses and spent an hour and twenty minutes. My brother took a cab. We both came from home. 

Day 17 - Happy birthday Cheryl :_) blogged. And haze started to get serious.

Day 18 - Qinyi's birthday!!!! Qin brought us to adventure cove to celebrate her birthday and we just spent the afternoon soaking up water, chlorine and sunlight. I love RWS it's such a magical place. But it's the sick kind of magic because it gives you this artificial illusion of temporary joy which makes you (me) fall in love. It's like a drug. You get addicted. Had ramen dinner after that. First bowl of ramen since. I don't even know, do I even eat ramen? I had cold ramen because it was supposed to be the healthier option and it was really nice. 

Day 19 - Happy birthday Hilo!!!! Went to NLB in the day time (I didn't tell the girls so shh) before meeting some of my dy kids for a catch up session. Lepaked at esplanade talking about life. So good to see Hilary again. 

Day 21 - Ahhh I remember. PSI 400 day. Because I see the tofu hehe. Blogged.

Day 22 - Spent my ENTIRE day in NLB. Studied. Before catching wan lin's drama performance at the black box on level 5. Drama. I really like watching drama performances. Although I don't really do so. Watched this one alone because I was supporting wanlin alone. Happen to bump into 2 of my primary school classmates who were supporting their schoolmates and we talked for a bit. Was really glad I could attend wanlin's first drama performance, kept alone (NOT a perk a catching a performance alone) giggling in my seat whenever she came up stage hehe. When wanlin and I left NLB we left with a whole bunch of SR drama kids. Ok, I left with a whole bunch of SR drama kids because wanlin is one of the drama kids HAHA. Wow drama kids will be drama kids. The journey home was a lively one, they're such friendly and outgoing people it was nice to be surrounded by so much loud energy :_) 

Ok you will miss everything from day 23 onwards because there wasn't anymore space awwwww. Ok fine, here is the rest of it. 

Day 23 - Stay home Sunday. Lazed around for the entire day. (Perk = homecooked meals by my mother.) Not even funny. I felt like such a sloth that I forced myself out of the house to stretch my rusty joints. Went out for a cycle to explore my old neighbourhood. From when I was a kid. It changed a lot. Just like all of us. Funny how my estate used to be this gigantic maze for child chow to wander in. Its so much smaller when I look at it now. Maybe because my vision has become increasingly narrow as I aged. Maybe my mind got craved by education and I set boundaries and limits in my mind and suddenly everything's smaller. 

Day 24 - band kids Monday. 

Day 25 - you will have no idea how much effort that shot took. Ok. No idea. Unappreciative Instagram followers.

Day 27 - ah, the day I headed to school. And missed my bus of course. Aiya I blogged about this one :_( ok just want to say that I'm super appreciative of yibo for teaching me chemistry he has salvaged a very sad situation. My confidence level for the paper is no longer negative HAHA. But it's very near negative lah. Pls I think I really pissed my tutor off for the last test, this next paper is gonna make her want me to implode. But yibo really helped me out with chem bonding. And I could just whatsapp him a question and he'd reply almost instantly, damn helpful. And for lending me his GC. 

Day 28/29/30 - sama sama 明天也一样

My goodness you have no clue how long this blog post took me. Ok you have a clue, check published timing and check top of post. Tada almost 2 hours dammit. My priorities are so messed up LOL. 

2

Nibble from tumblr

3 (for yesterday)

I attended an Indian wedding last night. My neighbour's daughter's wedding. They have 3 daughters and the youngest one got married first. The second daughter's wedding will be in December. And if I'm not wrong the first daughter's wedding would be around February next year. All married off within a year ha ha. Anyway, it was a traditional Indian wedding and it was the first time I was attending such a wedding. The wedding procedure was so different compared to the other few weddings I've attended. I haven't been to a wedding of anyone close to me yet though. Because no one close to me is going to be married off soon HAHA. Better not be the case anyway. But I do wonder what it would be like, attending a friend's wedding. Whoa damn, imagine Denise yew getting married... And I'll be there as some vvvvvip/bestfriendchairyay ok just kidding. But that would be weird to think of. Damn it we're all growing up too quickly, our youth is eroding away right before our eyes. Ok lah, the next wedding I'd look forward to is Mk's HAHA. Cos we're close to mk. And I will be the flower girl ☺☺☺☺☺

So in conclusion,

What I learnt yesterday: How Indian weddings were like

What I force-fed my brain with yesterday: Mitosis and meiosis

4 (for two days ago)  

My bestest best friend in the entire universe accompanied me while I was studying two days ago!!!!!!!!! She insisted that she should come down to Sengkang and sit through my hours with me omg. Best friend awwww. Pls this girl is too cute. She told me she needed to study but when she came she read a few pages of chemistry and decided nah, I'm gonna Instagram, or nah, I'm gonna read the hunger games on my 平板电脑。:_)

So appreciative of yew cos no one beats yew. Man, I'm gonna miss her so much again when she leaves for Melbourne.. Once again. But she will be back in November and once promos and Chinese A's are over I can be free to frolic around with bestfriend. I hope we can travel together lol we've been planning our travel plans since we were 12 years old HAHA. "Ok after O levels we can go to Hong Kong together!" Didn't happen!!!! Because at 12 we thought 16 was really old and mature but we were sorely wrong because you wouldn't call me old. OR mature. ☺ Haha but we did go to Malaysia together! Once. So we're hoping to do that again. Hopefully time permits this I think November/December would be busy months. 

Hey half of 2013 has passed. That kind of went by too quickly but hahaha better be done and over with this year. Not my year at all. 

Ok back to chionging for mid years! 

Studying

So bored of studying that I'm studying my surroundings now. 

"Please do not refill water here"

That's something that caught my eye because the use of English here is just horrid lol seriously. How do you refill water. Water isn't a container you can refill, it doesn't hold anything. Water is a liquid that fills spaces, like the ocean. Or a water bottle. Please do not refill your water bottle here. 

5

When I came home, I showered. And right after that I ate about 10 cherries, 3 strawberries and a peach.Today I had a day like that Tuesday night but on a much less intense scale. Much, much, much less. It was also a day of good music because I went back on 8 tracks and I think 8 tracks loves me as much as Youtube does. I don’t really know how to explain this but I think everyone can relate to it, you know, that feeling when you find a playlist with all your favourite songs? Absolute bliss :_)
It came like the changing weather of the last few days. From the haze to the sun to the hail to the clouds. I woke up feeling painfully nauseas. I felt giddy from the humidity and cold sweat dripped down my forehead, in fact, present me is quite impressed that past me managed to even find my balance on these two feet. My mind is really complex, it does what I tell it to do and I just manage to convince myself that I feel a certain way and there you have it, I actually do. Ha ha :_)
I left for school. Jolyn passed me her sister’s GC today. Yi bo taught me Reaction Kinetics. The only 2 things I managed to get out of my trip down to Lorong Chuan today. I missed the bus again today. One lift was under maintenance, the one on the left. So the lift ride down was slower than I expected, which annoyed me greatly because when I stepped out of the lift I ran towards the bus stop only to see the bus drive away. Hopped onto the next bus instead, which brought me to Serangoon Station, which meant I had to walk a further distance with an odd ankle. The walk to school was slow and uncomfortable but there were dried leaves all along the pathway and perhaps for a mere second I felt like I wasn’t here. You know, here.
You know, I wish I could rewind 2013. It’s like this important game of bridge or daidi, and I’ve played all the wrong cards. All of them. I would rewind 2013 knowing who and what would be important, knowing what I should have done, knowing what to expect. But don’t we all wish for that, another chance. Another chance to tackle a situation, another opportunity to impress, to feel, to give, to take.
When I left school I walked out to Cardiff Court with R and J and we strolled straight past the guy from The Noose. The Malay weather man on the show. R and I recognised him immediately but J didn’t ha ha it was quite funny!
I walked to my lift lobby only to discover that the lift on the right was now under recovery lol. This man came to wait for the lift too and I got fed up of waiting so I just walked towards the staircase. I think I offended the man though, because I left as soon as he arrived, so it looked like I just didn’t want to take the lift with him, which is a partial truth lol.
So I walked 13 storeies up my block. I checked the time and I really only took 3 minutes. And I wasn’t trying to rush, mind you. I decided that my ankle wouldn’t hurt so it barely itched. I passed every unit on every level and peaked into houses, catching glimpses of people living their lives.
I also decided that if I could rewind time, I wouldn’t have eaten that yellow-fleshed peach. Because it was tasteless. It washed away the sweetness the strawberry left on my tongue.

6

Hi! So it rained today! And there was hail! Unfortunately I missed both of that (aw man).  I was cooped up indoors all day hoping for productivity but my studying pace had declined a lot and my brain's been feeling more and more saturated. Such a drag. Life is such a drag when life is about studying. Manis is really cute though but she's so scheming. The cutest and the nastiest being in this house. And the one that is the most attached to me in the world.

My left ankle really hurts! I'm not sure why, I don't recalled receiving any particular impact on my ankle recently so I don't understand why it's hurting. 

There's really nothing much to add on when my day's been so uneventful! I'm sorry, I tried! Squeezed out a few paragraphs right? Can count with one hand lah HAAH. 

Absent Monday blues

I had a great Monday! Ok I was annoyed when I woke up because the lights in my room were switched on- thank my sister for that, I have no idea why the heck she left the lights on (seriously, why.....). After that I ate and left home to "say hi and talk" haha ☺ That lasted for over an hour and when I got back home I rushed out again after I changed and hopped onto 156. I was texting Cheryl while I was on the bus and we were racing to see who would reach Novena first. I estimated that I would reach Bishan at exactly 11.27 and Novena at about 11.38/39. And guess what! I DID reach Bishan at exactly 11.27 AND Novena at 11.38! :_) Had lunch at that popular Korean BBQ buffet place that everyone is talking about. It was good for the price I guess. Ok actually I have no idea, it's my first Korean BBQ ever haha. But I had a good time catching up with the band girls and mk ☺ A few of the best people I have ❤ After that we headed to sogurt. We all hashtagged #sogurt on our Instagram photos  because the sogirl said we'd get a "surprise" if we showed her those photos. Hahaha. Aiya basically we spent about 4 hours eating and chatting and laughing. So much fun. Lol it doesn't end there though, mk drove Ching Eunice and I back to ching's place and we just talked even more. So we were all talking/eating/laughing/drinkingribena from 12 to 6? About there. 6 hours straight man. Nice. HAHA. Great catch up :_) Mk drove me to orchard because I was going to meet my mother for dinner. So grateful for mk ☺ Met my mother AND my father (mother did not tell me haha) and we went for Japanese dinner at ichiban I think. First time in ichiban! If I'm not wrong ck told me before that I have to try their sushi. I was quite full already but I just ate more because there's ALWAYS space for sashimi. Always. No questions asked.

So in conclusion I had a pretty good day of not studying HAHA. Aw man I really wish we didn't have to study so much. On our way home we drove past Laselle and I just stared at it sadly sigh :_\ 

O yeah and I just decided that my favourite flowers would be those that were given to me ☺ That way they wouldn't just be pretty, they'd have a meaning too. Good enough answer? 

3rd Friday of June

I will never understand why SBS does not ever dispatch it's double decked 109s during the peak hours. Seriously, SBS? Why would you. I've only managed to catch a double decked 109 during the off-peak hour (around 3/4?). Furthermore, the irregularity of 109 during the peak hour is horrendous. My bus timing app has informed me that the bus is coming in 0 minutes- for the past 8 minutes. Absolutely brilliant hahaha. Anyway, how my day wound up. So I thought I was going to burn my hours up alone but I was wrong again haha. Jolyn didn't come. She was the reason why I went to school because her sister is kindly lending me her GC for my mid years. But unfortunately, Jolyn couldn't leave home because of the haze. As I've mentioned earlier. So back to where I thought I was going to be alone. My other senior came around 1pm! When the PSI was 401. But when I went on to say how insane he was for coming to school at that time, he just said that the air's worse in china. HAHAHA. O well. In conclusion, I had company which led to me having a more productive time studying, actually. I realised how I actually study better with company (productive company. Preferably strangers I guess. Only assuming that the closer we are the less productive we will be together). Hehe. Ok anyway, my blog posts are so boring now!!! Because I studied today. Hence, boring. Ok I'll share a photo. Our favourite deep fried tofu hehe completely coated with oil. 

Hope y'all are having brighter days than I am!!! That's not that tough, seriously HAHA. I realised that I haven't sat in the airwave for almost 2 weeks now! All hail public transport!!!!!! Kk gonna go get food. O yeah! I have a GC now!!!! Temporarily though. Senior lent me his so that I'll be able to practice maths over the weekend (at least). And Jolyn will pass me her sister's next week:_) My seniors are the best. 

P.S. 5000th time saying this but I'm gonna miss my seniors. A lot. 

Four hundred and one

I'm alone in school because everyone that was supposed to come decided not to come because of the haze. Which is good lah, I wouldn't want anyone to step out of their homes with a shit haze like this. And an SMS got sent out around 11 by our CCA teacher informing all of us to stay indoors and avoid coming to school. Lol shit sorry I'm already in school and now I feel stranded hahaha. And extremely alone. Because the entire compound seems to be haunted by silence. Potentially productive environment I guess but I'm getting distracted by my phone like right now because everything's too quiet and too alone I swear I feel like the only person on the planet. Kk if I charge my phone I will not touch it so I will charge my phone now ☺

Sleepy

Just got back from my lunch. Yes, my 4.30pm lunch. Brilliant job done hahaha. I had such an incredibly late lunch because the psi at 1 was 371. I thought I would suffocate if I stepped out. So I waited for the psi to go down to 255 instead. Slightly better I guess. Less hazardous lol. Um. I walked through a deserted hardcourt though. No basketballers. And I had lunch in an open concept Kopitiam so..... #whatswrongwithme. Haha it was quite funny though because all the other customers were taking-away their food and I just casually sat down for my meal. Give me credit for putting in effort to get a table in front of a fan though. Or wait, does that even help? Maybe it blows the haze directly at me hahaha ok idk. I'm tired and I'm gonna sleep because, f o o d c o m a. O yes, I think the haze makes me feel like vomiting everytime I eat HAHA. Seriously, I'm not sure why either. But recently I've been having bile go up my throat after every meal so yucky. Kk sleep time :_) 

Aw

"My grandpa has Alzheimer’s so he has no idea who my grandma is but everyday for the last three or four months he brings her in flowers from their garden and asks her to run away with him and be his wife and everyday she says she already is and everyday the smile my grandpa gets on his face is the most beautiful heartfelt thing I have ever seen"

Hazy day

Spent my entire day out and carefully monitored the PSI levels every hour. O man apparently it was 431 at 9pm? I knew it was getting really bad at about 6 because all the buildings around me became mere shadows. I was squinting at them hoping they'd come out a little clearer but nah, everything was covered with a white sheet. Filthy white sheet. Had to walk along the streets between bus stops and MRT stations and that gave me throbbing headaches and stinging eyes. I don't know what I could do about that though. Inhaler's definitely not gonna help lmao. My headache is insanely painful I hurts just to move. Lol what am I saying it hurts just to sit still HAHA. I desperately wish I had air conditioning now aaaaahhhhhhhhh :_( 

Happy birthday Hilo, you're so old, look what your birthday candles did to the sky :_) 

18062013 (1)

Woke up literally drenched in sweat. Possibly one of the worst feelings in the world. Omg Singapore pls you need to calm down and cool down. Maybe that's why I've been having difficulties falling asleep. Maybe that's why Jillene's freezer broke down hahaha. Anyway, I woke up at 8. Not the latest this holiday but relatively later (Latest: 8.48. I was horrified). My first thoughts of the day was something along the lines of: wwwwhooaaaaa where can I go to 吹 air con. But of course that doesn't matter anymore because my Tuesday plans were already concrete last week! And what will be doing today??????

Celebrating Qin's birthday!!!!!!!! Outdoors!!!!!!! In the haze!!!!!! In the heat!!!!!!!! But trust me it'll be worth it :_) 

O yes, I have no breakfast at home this is quite a mood killer :_( because I don't want to step out to buy breakfast either. So I guess I will just. I don't know, haven't thought of a solution for myself yet HAHA. But anyway, I'm going to stop here. Here is a photo of an ideal breakfast. (Minus the whip cream, eeeeee) 

Goodmo(rning)(nday)

Since it's the morning of Tuesday but I'm blogging about Monday.

Woke up at 6.15 and hopped onto a bus at about 7. Kenji had Jil,l Guang and I over today. We had to redo econs (BURDEN) and in the end we couldn't even finish it because we still had to wait for some remaining segments from our group mates (nOoooOOOOoOoOoOOoOooooOOOo). Jill had to intention of studying. Guang was just sleeping. But ultimately everyone lepaked......................
The haze got terrible today. PSI was about 50 this morning. By 11 it was about 90 or 100. By late afternoon it hit 110. We were so reluctant to go out for lunch because we couldn't bring ourselves to step out of the air conditioned room AND we didn't want to be slapped by the heat/haze. We ended up having lunch at 3.35 HAHA.
Went to Jill's after that because I didn't want to go home (heat)(Jill's room is air conditioned = good enough). House-hopping to escape the heat HAHA this is new though. Lazed around more. Whoa. I really envy everyone with air-conditioner at home!!!! You guys are so lucky I hope you know that!!!! I highly doubt my parents are gonna get our air-conditioning fixed. Come on, it's been about 8 years?
Aiya. In conclusion it was sloth-life monday. Like every other Monday of June. I always start my weeks so efficiently.

Today will be a very tiring day but I'm looking forward to it!
and........

HAPPY BIRTHDAY QIN YI TAN!!!!!!!!! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

and I said I'd share my creation :_)

♥

Holy crap. Youtube loves me. Really. I think Youtube loves me. There're these playlists that you can select and EVERY SONG on the playlist they created for me is a song that I love. I love you too, Youtube!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :')

Staying up once again. Working on Qin Yi's birthday card. That's girl's turning 17 in 10 minutes!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I always take a long time with my cards haha. I will blog about my day and show you this card once I'm done with it. Promise ;_)

Bus rides

On possibly the longest journey I'll be taking on public transport haha. Heading to IMM to meet my auntie for dinner. The west again :_)! And I'll be passing my secondary school once again. I remember how I told myself that after I graduate I would never have to take the hour long bus ride to the school ever again. Guess I was wrong :_) 

I went for breakfast with my bestfriend today! We were supposed to meet up at 9am but guess who over slept! Haha, when I called her at 8.50 she just woke up. So her father drove her over to Hougang point at 9.30 instead. We actually planned to have a relatively healthier breakfast at Delifrance. But I guess we were out of luck. When we walked into Delifrance we immediately realised that the air conditioning was down. O the horror :_( , we then decided to have breakfast at McDonald's instead. I had hotcakes. How sinful, it practically have no nutritional value haha. But o well, first time I had McDonald's since....... My last macs breakfast? Which was in December or November if I'm not wrong. We sat at macs for the longest time just talking and escaping the heat. Quality bestfriend time lmao. After that I headed home and tried to sing All I want with the guitar but I can't play the guitar properly dammit. Hahaha I really wish I could though. I also tried to sing Stay with the piano. Keyword: tried. Yeah but that wasted my afternoon away. Clearly I haven't been studying :_/ But I'm not even worried haha. 

Alright I'm going to stop here and enjoy the rest of my long bus rides haha :_) 

Because boyceavenue is amazing

I'm listening to youtube covers now. I blogged about 2 years ago I think, saying that I needed a youtube buddy because I could seriously spend the entire day browsing different covers hahahaha. STILL HAVEN'T FOUND ONE. Anyway, I'm gonna share this one because Denise is watching superman with her family tonight at 11.30 HAHA this girl ah. Haiyo. Idk how she will be awake tomorrow morning. If she's still sleeping when she's supposed to see me I'll be so upset :_( But o well I believe she'll be able to wake up HAHA.

O yes I'm sharing this one too because they are just too freaking amazing. They are all so amazing I can't even tell you how amazing they are, just listen ok!!!!

Bird Park

Woke up at 6.30 today. For once, my alarm tone (irritating duck quaking) was very appropriate. Dragged myself off my bed. Literally drag. I was so tired. I've been having great difficulty falling asleep recently. I'd toss and turn repeatedly before forcing my bones to go stiff so that I'd have a chance to doze off. Anyway, I threw water over my face to wake myself up lmao. Then I went on to raid the kitchen for food to last our adventure.

We left home around 8.10 but the bus took 20 minutes to come, wow thanks, SBS. Needed that. We walked down to the next bus stop to wear the time out. I wore crocs today! And I realised that I have 3 pairs of flip flops. 1 pair of white ipanema (I only remember this brand because Phyllis told me before that it's I Pa Ni Ma (I'm scared of your mother) haha my senior), 1 pair of green flippers and 1 pair of crocs. Relax though, I didn't buy any of them myself. I've had the white ones since I was 11. I've had the green ones since I was... 13? And I think my mother bought those crocs last year and I wore them for the first time today. I thought about how I would've preferred yellow annoying crocs instead just to be annoying hahaha. 

We took over an hour to reach the bird park and we spent the next couple of hours exploring the park. I was really excited at first. I know I love animals so I thought I'd love visiting all the different enclosures and getting right up close to the different birds but right after we visited the first enclosure, my sister and I agreed that it was really depressing lol. Most of the birds looked slightly psycho, sometimes I was felt like I was in an asylum. The larger flightless birds would fix their gaze on us. They'd glare into our eyes and with this contained and concealed wildness- I reminded my sister that most of them "would eat you if they could". The smaller birds were kept in cages. They'd fly over to the metal grills and practically throw themselves against it before clinging onto the thin metal with their claws. Then they'd stare at you and start screeching. The loudest and shrillest screeches I've heard. And I was a piccoloist. And some of them are trained like dogs. Which is the whole point though. Then we figured that the birds can never be released into the wild anyway. Because most of them wouldn't even know how to fend for themselves since they were brought up in a metal box (incubator > brooder > cage). 

Anyway, I had a good day with my sister. Rare day spent with her. Is this an abrupt ending? Hehe sorry ok I'll tell you about something else.

We were in this aviary. Lory enclosure. Lories love honey. Some honey mixture was sold to visitors so that they would be able to feed the lories. And these mixtures were sold in plastic containers, like tiny bowls. Someone littered and left a container lying on the floor. I picked it up with the intention of properly disposing it but there was a bit of honey left. And there was a lory about 50cm away from me. So I offered that lory the remaining honey and it came over to me hehehe. I was so happy because I managed to feed that lory. It came up to my bowl and dipped it's head it. Hehehehe happy chow. Alright, that's the brightest moment of my adventure HAHA. 

O yeah, while I was traveling through the west I took photos of JCube and Boon Lay MRT and sent them to Rai and Jov hehe. Just to annoy them. They're always complaining that I never want to visit them in the west o well.