If you're sensitive, go away.

Hi everyone. I owe all of you a very long blog post. But its 9:17PM on a Monday nice and all I want to do is go to bed! (Hehe at 9:17, yeah yeah yeah don't nag) However, I will blog about Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Saturday and Sunday will be brief though. Like a gust of wind.

FRIDAY 08.04.11

As most of you should know by now, it was my school's Band's SYF day. So I woke up at 6AM as usual. Brushed my teeth ate my breakfast left home reached school. All very usual and normal. But it felt a little different than regular days when I reached school. Cos one of the first things I did was go to the band room to put all my uniform stuffs down. And that felt different. And then there were all the Good-Lucks and All-The-Bests. That was different. Went for my first lesson of the day after a very uneventful assembly (no good-luck or all-the-best from our dear principal, maybe she forgot), Chinese. It was a bore. And I couldn't pay attention anyway. My mind wasn't there. It was in the band room. Skip this and it was CHEM TEST. AAHAHA. Hehe. All the sec 3 band kids gathered outside the staff room and waited for Mr Tee. He came and brought us into the staff room. I like going in the staff room. Its like entering some forbidden area. :_) We sat down in some air-conditioned room in the staff room (a room within a room >:_)) and did our test. Needless to say, I didn't know quite a lot of stuff. But I did indicate at the bottom of the last page that "At least I tried all the question :_(" :_) Clare highlighted all the golds in the test paper. And she answered questions she didn't know with gold (like they asked what can replace zinc metal in making zinc oxide or something like that and she answered gold). She also wrote in blocked letters at the top of her script "SC BAND GO FOR GOLD". Oh Clare, you do us all proud :_)

After the test, we went to the band room. Did warm ups. Played through both pieces once. They were not spectacular but they were acceptable. Definitely not our best. Then we had all the motivational talk again by various people. Tanya's was, as expected, very hilarious and helpful :_) Most of what everyone said ran along these lines. The results is not what matters, but it is the performance that matters. The performance has to be our best performance and we have to put in all our effort into making it our best. I really believe in this.

Went for lunch and off to Singapore Conference Hall! Ok, my feelings by then was still neutral. Not nervous at all. Please don't think I was nervous I really wasn't. I felt very extremely determined to do my best. Ok moving on. It was soon 2:45PM. We were on stage and we were about to play. We started. We sounded fine. Pretty good in the beginning of memories actually. We didn't slow down at B. That was good. I was relatively in tune, that was good too. But somewhere in the middle things were starting to feel odd. Something was wrong, I could tell from Mr Tan's expression. He was trying to push us more, there was a lack of communication. Just before M (if I'm not wrong), 4 bars before we went into that section. Slowed down. I didn't like that. But I was holding a C what could I do. Alright, so I could concluded right there on stage that Memories wasn't our best. It was acceptable, maybe a little more than acceptable. 

WHAV. Oh WHAV. Hmmm... I was quite disappointed. MAINLY because of the solos. Definitely not my best. Ok good things first, if not you all will blast me with how its just my lousy POV. Beginning was nice! Tanya and Cheryl came in super nicely. I felt really good then. I didn't mispitch any low C hehehe. The mallets  part wasn't rushing. Ok the running notes a bit harsh. How the music develops is great, like how everything grows to reach the climax. Woodwinds are quite clear. Oh the solo. Man I always had a bad feeling about switching instruments in 1 bar. Never really got the nice position before i started playing so it was a bit harsh. And I was super close (if you listen carefully I actually didn't end the phrase nicely) to destroying the first phrase. But I love the projection. Projection = nicenicenice.Alright! The second phrase is really nice. But I could've extended the note a little baby inch longer. To connect with the Eupho part. But anyway, you all who heard me play the solo like 90838798327865189 times, will know that that was not my best. The articulation of the high notes (its a G), very nicely played :_) I love that. Temple Block, no rushing + there are dynamics! Good job Ching!!! 101's running notes actually work out fine!!!!! Aw yeah. Ok next solo... this one. I was super disappointed lah. But meh its over. Okok its here (if you havne't realized yet, I'm listening to the recording now). There's a cut, like an abrupt ending to the first phrase. This is because I so wisely forgot to breathe. I knew BT was like "SAIYUFDHGY!" even though he smiled to make sure I don't break down. I was "SAIYUFDHGY" too!!!!! URGHOAGUDOII! I STILL AM WHEN I THINK OF IT. He knew that i could've played it well! I knew too cos I just did that morning!!! Sigh. But I still moved on. I dunno why but I automatically changed my mindset on SYF day. Like usually a regular practice I'd still be so damn frustrated over that error like after 50 bars but I just moved on. I think its quite interesting cos I didn't even tell myself to react that way I just did. Ok now I'm not really making sense.

Alright so long story short, we got our gold. But personally, I feel that we didn't really really deserve it. Ok so maybe we did but then, what was everyone saying before we got that gold? 

The results is not what matters, but it is the performance that matters. The performance has to be our best performance and we have to put in all our effort into making it our best.

Was that our best? NO! I'm sorry I'm such a spoiler, I know everyone is very happy over the gold but you guys were the ones who said the results did not matter. C'mon. Almost everyone agreed that that was way below our best. And even Mr Tan knew it! Couldn't you guys tell that he was very disappointed? I felt very bad because I knew that by not playing as well as I can, I adding to his disappointment. I really feel like :_( about that. Like stones are weighing me down. Thats why I couldn't smile even when we got the results. Hey don't get me wrong, I'm damn relieved that we didn't get silver. I expected silver. I even told my parents to not be too shocked if we get  a silver. Sigh I can't really explain like everything by typing it out. (its really tedious... and tiring)
But congrats on the gold, SC Band. We did it again. But my joy on 02.04.09 was way stronger than on Friday. Because it didn't exist on Friday. Just saying. 

Don't start hating me cos of this post ok. Its just how I honestly feel (its not even everything).

SATUDAY AND SUNDAY

Saturday and Sunday went by like ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!! Thats supposed to be like, like a really fast.... like a fast car.... like a fast........... science.