嗯

That's a sigh in Chinese. A Chinese scholar sent that to me weeks ago ha ha ha.
Anyway, I'm really. Troubled now. Well not really either. Idk man. I just feel very distressed. And the atmosphere around me isn't helping very much. Alone in the dining room in the silent and empty flat. Evening time, just enough light to take a peek into the tinted windows of the opposite block. The just-rained chill that challenges the forever-present humidity. Books laid out over the dining table but only being displayed, I'm very much looking just through them.
Something seems wrong. But it could be the other side that should take a step back. Then again, what's so important about academics and academics only. I honestly feel there's way too much emphasis on it.
Am I right when I choose to think that way. I feel like my thoughts make me some revolting, repulsive creature in the eyes of the world.
I can't decide what is more important; what is more important to me, or what is more important to everyone else. I keep asking myself if I really want to conform to the rules everyone follows, if I just want to be another product of society, or if I want to follow what I want to be. Who I want to be. But dreams are always crushed, reality will eventually strike us. Ssssiiiiggghh.
这么办，我也不知道。真的很想离开这个世界。(not in the dying way though I've never objected to that possibility)