1 second of thought allowed me to conclude this:

We have a fixed amount of time everyday. 24 hours for us to ration and prioritize and to use. We are never going to get more time, "I need more time" is not going to change anything. The minutes are inflexible, they will never be in your favour. "Whenever we get more time" will equate to never because we can never get more time. It's impossible. We can only use time. 

I just killed about 2 minutes typing this out. 

Reason why the library is not very conducive

1. There are a lot of idiots in the world

1.1. (I am an occasional idiot too, no denial there) 

Envy

Or jealously. Envy's just a nicer way to put it.

Scrolled past a picture of some really glooking food on Instagram and felt like that because 

1. That's pretty damn good food

2. That I can't have

2. That I can't even eat (because of the ulcer.)

3. That no one's gonna make for me

Shallow thoughts but it's ok! Mondays are negative days. I think my timetable wants me to know that Tuesdays are bad days too. Brace yourself. 

OUCH/nostalgia and stuff

I am in pain because of the massive massive ulcer I have in my mouth. It's insanely painful and it stops me from talking or eating because everything hurts :_(

Hm well what's up. 

I had this sudden impulsive thought, that after my hair grows back to a decent length, and once A levels are over (if I even make it through. Or not.) I'd die my hair blue. Dark blue HAHAHA I dk why I thought of this but I'm just sharing.

Honestly not a good time to blog, I'll blog later after I finish my EOM. 

Hi. 9 hours later and I can easily say that I've just had a day of negative productivity. The ulcer is killing me, it doesn't even allow me to think because the pain is really distracting. I just burned 3 hours trying to write 1 econs essay and I've only passed the introduction. My EOM's still undone and with 3 tests coming up in the next five days, I'm going to need a miracle in order to survive :_( 

Haha so I started up my mac because I wanted to complete my EOM and email Mr Loke (by "2359" challenge accepted) but while rummaging through my first drawer I found this old thumb drive. I think it was my first thumb drive. Decided to check how much space there was on it and I feel like I found a stash of............. can't say gold........... but it's not really crap either. I found photos I took 6 years ago using my first camera (which I thought made me look like a pro). SIX YEARS AGO. THAT'S PRIMARY 5. AND YES, I HAVE PHOTOS OF SCHOOL EXCURSIONS. Like the time we went to watch the NDP rehearsal. First year it was on the floating platform. Felt like such an exclusive event. I'm so appreciative of P5 Chow for taking all these photos hahaha. And I must admit, I occasionally took pretty nice photos (50 bad photos for every 1 decent shot). I think P5 Chow was just discovering her love for photography, I have photos of individual portraits of my ex-classmates. And I don't think I really talk to any of them now (except for Miss Yew of course. OF COURSE c'mon who r we kiddin???????). If I were to upload them (don't worry I don't think I will because I doubt that would be appreciated by anyone HAHA) everyone would be able to have a #whatpubertydidtome. Some people look exactly the same though haha. Anyway, so there's all that nostalgia and crap now. Nostalgia. Bittersweet longing not really for what I had then but for part of what I felt then. Because ignorance is bliss right? 11 year olds were still innocent back then (not u, rnjh).

NDP 07

Cure to a throbbing headache

Best feelings in the world:

1) To sing when no one's listening 

2) To sing when everyone's listening 

Faucet

Sitting at the same spot at Tuesday night last term. Listening to silence. Or more accurately, the hum of the refrigerator. Listening to the occasional tune belted out from the bell of Ryan's trumpet (a distance away). Watching the still night lights indoors and outdoors. Feeling the jolt of pain from the swelling around my ankle. Listening to the shy crickets hidden in the darkness. Realising that I'm pretty much hiding in a blind spot too. Touching the filth on the round table. Watching the blades of the fan move with the night breeze. Listening to the chatter of students shuffling towards the front gate. Feeling the chilly breeze against my own skin. Skin. I'd scratch off my skin if I could, to ease the itch. I think I'm going to go home and spam fabreeze on my bed sheets looool. Either that or I'm not sleeping in the room tonight. Lost

Concentrating on everything but the GP essays in front of me. Save me from this lol. Tak boleh tahan. 

Spoilers

Sharing my weird experiences.

Woke up around 3.30 this morning because the humidity was killing me and my legs were itching SO BADLY. The itching woke me up because I swear I could've torn off my own skin. I don't really know why but my legs were really itchy I can't even emphasis this enough lololol because it was really terrible :_( I woke up at 3.30, silently wishing that my alarm would go off so that I could get up and solve this itchy issue but I couldn't bear waiting for the alarm so I hopped off my bed and checked my phone- and wow it was only 3.44. I went to the bathroom and covered my itch spots with calamine lotion and that did wonders :_) but my sleep was interrupted anyway. 

Woke up again at 6am. Tried washing off the calamine lotion but idk why it's almost impossible to wash off. So I have random white patches on my legs. Don't worry, it's not unwashed body soap or anything like that it's just calamine lotion hahaha. 

Witnessed this amazing sunrise that I wanted to take a photo of but it's really difficult to take a good photo on a moving vehicle so I thought that I'd just take my photo when I reached school.

6.57 in school and I walk over go the atrium to frame my photo but this girl comes into my frame, I wait. Hey what, she's not moving away. She's just standing there. O damn. She's taking a photo too?!?! I decided that it would be too awkward to stand beside her to snap another photo (we were both wearing green too. And we were both in shorts) so I bid my sunrise farewell and walked towards the canteen.

Wanted to buy a sandwich from Deli Inn so that I'd have breakfast but there weren't sandwiches there yet... So no breakfast... Yet. 

Ancient

Yes, I feel ancient. Weird, because (clearly) I am not. But I am this (define "this" as a very fine line) close to ripping off my hair because this Macbook that I'm using is so old it's literally vintage. Idk if you've seen me lugging it around school or around Singapore (ha. ha. ha.) but it's quite heavy. Anyway, the problem presented to me right now at this very instance is that I can't sync my iPhone to my computer. Because the version of itunes that I have is equally old and there's a minimum requirement of itunes 10.7 for my phone to sync properly. But I can't download the latest itunes OR itunes 10.7 because the this mac's retired version of idk what (some numbers, 10.5.3 or something) doesn't support the new itunes.
I'm actually just rambling on about apple and itunes and iPhones now but I don't actually know much about this. Hence, I can't solve my own problem. I guess I could upgrade the OS but I think that would be costly. And not worth the effort since this is a very old mac.
Since I'm talking about this mac I will just tell you how we got it in the first place.
If I'm not wrong this mac was given to us by Singtel in 2009. And my mother was it's first user/owner/friend. I think my sister owned it about a year or 2 later. When her scholarship granted her computer money she quickly ditched this old machine and that's when I took over hehe. So I guess I've had it for almost a year now? But I only started using it more frequently this year. So I'm honestly not very used to mac yet haha but intensive PW forced me to bond with this machine and I like it very much despite it's (few) disabilities.
Ok I shouldn't blog now because I've a lot of work to do :_(

Helloooooooooooooooo

The weekends are always great simply because there isn't school ha ha ha.

But of course when I'm not spending my entire day studying, I'm having much more meaningful days. Like today. 

Spent my day with Sofeah. Nothing can go wrong when we're out wrecking our own havoc. 

So so so refreshing. Spending time with Sam. 

11.09

I did quite badly for my mid years. And this week has been really long but really nice too. The weather has been so kind. And the workload hasn't been overwhelming yet. All the long evenings and nights in school feel peaceful and serene. But I still did quite badly for my mid years.

Food is so important and so meaningful. You can never just say that you eat for the sake of ticking the checkbox beside "lunch" or "dinner". You can never.

Cat cuddles

How was your Saturdays 

Morning thoughts

Who on my contact list would whatsapp me at 8.48am in the morning (I've switched off my whatsapp notifications 2 weeks ago so all I see is the little red bubble with the number of messages I've received). 

Opens whatsapp.

O it's just Mr Loke on the class chat.

Woke up at 7.45am (without an alarm) after close to 7 hours of sleep. Really decent, actually, 7 hours. 

I just had my breakfast; 2 sliced of expired softmeal bread with 2 thick layers of thick chunky peanut butter, both burnt in the toaster. 

I forgot about this last night, I am sher locked, courtesy of aksj. I honestly don't really know what that means. But I like taking photos ha ha ha. 

Revolt

Youth (I) are (am) full of energy. Today I felt like I was running on the promise of energizer batteries when in actual fact, I depended on my 5.25 hours of rest the night before. It could be the after-effects of a week full of sugar (broke my 6 month streak of macs fast this afternoon at NEX). Another perk of being young, stuff your face, have no fear (aya proudly informed me about her triumph over an entire bag of fruit plus). 

I learn much from what I observe around me (possibly more than what I learn in lectures). More often than not, I learn how not to act because such distasteful behavior observed could easily result in the expulsion of bolus from the gut. Which, when about to happen, would cue my immediate retreat. 

I think it's all a part of growing up. I've asked my mother about this, she agreed with me. But maybe I'm not really growing up. 

In the beginning of the year I used to tell myself that I'd be absolutely insane to walk from the front gate to Cardiff hill at night. For 2 reasons 1. My fear of the dark and 2. My fear of the unknown. But here I am, lugging my bag down the steps, clutching onto my laptop, a book, my wallet and my phone, hardly even dragging my feet towards the bus stop. Turns out the only thing I needed was a cooperative mind. Which remained well with me 97% of the 10 minutes.

Jumped across the step (strength of youth.)

One thing I've learned is that youth (insist that they) are so deprived of attention that all they long for is the gaze of another, or of an entire crowd. No, he shall not walk alone, no she shall not sit alone. 

They say we shouldn't judge a book by it's cover but the covers of these novels are screaming out too loudly they are impossibly unnoticeable. 

I don't know what propels me to move away. I generally avoid getting tangled in uncomfortable situations simply because I don't want to be. The faint scent of such a situation would repel me almost instantly, like when you place the north and south poles of two magnets beside each other. And I don't know if I'd prefer to stay and conform but I'm glad I could say that I wouldn't. 

32 minutes. Not bad. 

Good VS Bad

1) Audrey is honestly one of the nicest people I know and I'm so glad that I've met her.

2) 2km tired me out

3) Qinyi lent me a book to read. And I've been wanting to read this book for quite awhile. (Won't share the title because it's so mainstream it's embarrassing)

4) Ayana missed her first GP lesson which wasn't conducted by our actual GP tutor.

5) Mr Loke found my NRIC and have it back to me. All hail Mr Loke.

6) PW thought me how fast (and how slowly) 3 hours could speed/drag by. WR is not making good progress and my irritation only grows.

7) First time using a Mura that I can call my own (for the next 1 year). It's a brilliant feeling. 

8) Changes always suck. I miss my seniors. Already. Very badly. Pre-prac and prac and post. And the changes make me feel so unsettled.

9) I never realised how far the walk from school to Cardiff court was until tonight. 

10) Chinese A Level Oral examination tomorrow. Who's not ready? Aye. 

11) Sleeping soon

12) Denise is flying off any minute now. If you've missed her this June then start making better decisions. 

9 ought to be an even number too. Or it could be an odd number. Maybe a 9.5. 

Pause: to linger; to suspend

Qin's over now. I'm working on PW while she reads Haruki Murakami and we're listening to my favourite playlist on 8tracks. I have no idea why I'm blogging now today wasn't a good day at all. I can't find my NRIC, guys.... The last time I saw it was during the Chinese paper last Friday. I would think that I placed it in my giraffe pencil case immediately after the paper but when I opened up my pencil case today it wasn't there. And I didn't tough the giraffe for the entire weekend. I was so troubled that I came home during the 2 hour free period to hurl my belongings off my table in attempt to dig the card out from thin air. Man. This feeling sucks. And all I ate today was chocolate and more chocolate I feel like my intestines are just coated now like a chocolate pretzel. I think I might go to school early tomorrow just to run off this feeling lol. Depends. Look at my shoes, if I'm wearing my running shoes that probably meant that I ran. AND showered cos.. Well me being me I'd definitely shower after that hahaha. So don't worry I'll smell like a field of flowers anyway. 

What else. Intensive PW is NOT fun. At all. Not kidding 😒

Elimination

Spent my entire day at home. We didn't go out. I woke up pretty late. 8.15. Considering that I slept at 1 last night, 8.15's ok..... Also, I woke up in the middle of a dream last night and sat right up. Before bending forward to sleep cross-legged instead lmao. Don't ask. I don't even know. All I know was that I ruined that dream. I went back to sleep normally after what felt like quite awhile and dreamt of something entirely different. I started drawing at 8.50. And I stopped drawing at 6? I think. Around there. Wah so rusty. Nevermind, today was a warm up lol. I wish I was as good as my mother. But she went to Laselle so.. 

Hm what else. O yeah. I've decided to give myself some slaps to wake myself up. Cos it's about time lol. Another term another semester another try. 

Progression from this at 5 to the Instagram one at 6. 

Company

How RT and I bond

/rant rant rant blah blah/

Eh. Lets go eat.

HAHAHAHA YOU FAT PIG HAHAHA YOU-

HAHAHAHAHA WHAT LAH HAHAHA

HAHAHA

HA

Haha 

Ok let's go. 

Just got home from an extremely long day. Thought it was Saturday night already actually looool. Ok I'll give an extremely brief and sloppy summary of my day.

Reached school, sat in the canteen.

Took Chinese paper.

Sat opposite GNC.

Took Chinese paper.

Sat in the canteen. Sat in the band room. Slept in the band room. 

Went to GNC. Set at the random benches near the art room.

Went to Paya lebar.

Went to NEX.

Went to school.

Went to condo opposite school.

Attended class BBQ.

Went to central macs.

Went to the bus stop.

Came home.

Had a good time for most of the day. Most of the middle and end of the day. Will elaborate some other day I guess. 

And these are some potentially Instagram-worthy photographs. 

1st: My cold dinner yesterday that I was too lazy to heat up.

2nd: Just took this one. An NSmen going home at 11.40. Band photo quality. 

My sleepy phone

9.38

mildly retarded. spent a minute on twitter after 4 days and got reminded of why i deleted twitter in the first place -_- if it weren't for all those idiots demanded "follow-backs" my timeline would still be clean and free from shit i don't care about. Maybe I should make another twitter account just for following important people or people I care about to start with looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool

3.18 

Unproductivity levels reached an all time high this morning/afternoon. Resorted to having a foodventure and I feel like I just ate the universe. Need to stop stuffing myself or I'm gonna be as soft as a stuffed animal. But I had some of my favourite food ☺ 

4.37

Uh o. I think I'm either burned out or saturated I can't study anymore I'm just staring through my notes. O no how?! I'm not done yet!!!